Finding My Inner Peace

"Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it" ~ Unknown

I, like many people, have struggled with my past. It was riddled with abuse, hard times and not so nice people. Some of the things that happened to me were not due to anything that I had done but most of them were due to my bad choices. Over the past three or four years I have been coming to terms with the things that happened. I have taken full responsibility for my role in all of it and decided that enough is enough. It's time to let go of the guilt, the anger and the sadness and just be happy. I am determined not to let the bad experiences from my past influence how I feel about myself or how I handle current situations. The process of healing from the events of my past has been a long, hard one and I'm still not completely through it. I've learned many lessons about myself and others during this time. Here are a few of those lessons...


"Just get over it" ...I don't know how many times I have heard that and I really wish it were that easy. "Getting over" traumatic events doesn't happen over night and anyone that expects you to get over it that quickly doesn't care about you.


You can truly change the way you think. When I started this journey of healing, I really didn't think it was possible to get all the fearful, angry and negative thoughts out of my head...but it is! It isn't something that will happen over night but with determination you can change how you think. You can become less fearful and happier just by not allowing the negative, fearful thoughts to take up space in your head.


Know that you are loved. This one was hard for me. Growing up I was different from the rest of my family. Even as a child I knew this and so did all the adults in my family. I was treated differently than my other family members. I was left out and shunned. I was an outcast in my own family. Because of this, as I got older I felt like I was unlovable and had low self esteem. This set the tone for the bad decisions that I made and the abuse I suffered as an adult. Getting out of this mindset involved me just opening my eyes. I realized that I had people around me that loved me for me. They didn't expect me to be anyone different. It was then that I realized that all the things I was told about myself growing up were wrong and that I was unconditionally loved by the people that I have in my life now.


Surround yourself with people that love you and have your best interest at heart. Throughout this journey I have learned who is really there for me. I have learned who truly loves me and who doesn't. Because of this I have "cleaned house". I cut off anyone that was bringing me down or didn't have my best interest at heart. No one is off limits...including my family. I will only allow myself to have healthy, loving relationships from here on out.


It's ok to cry. I have always held in my feelings. If something/someone hurt me I would just suck it up and keep going. I now know that that isn't the healthiest way to deal with your feelings. This is an area that I am still working on because sometimes I'm afraid of my feelings. I'm afraid of the reaction I'll get if I tell my feelings. But I know that I have to stop bottling up my feelings because nothing good will come of it. And I'm working on it :)

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" ~ Albert Einstein

Do thinks differently. If you want change then you have to change. Don't do the same things you always have and expect to see the change that you want. Even the smallest changes can have a big impact on your life. The first change I made was to start eating healthy and exercising. This had a great impact on my well being. I lost 10lbs, felt amazing and had tons of energy! The next change I made was to start doing things on my own. I started going out by myself and going out of town by myself. This taught me how to interact with people I don't know and I have met some amazing people this way. I am no longer afraid to be by myself and honestly, I prefer to be alone. I truly enjoy my own company. This is one area where I will never stop growing. I have found out that you will learn a great deal about yourself if you just step outside of your safe box and take a chance.



 Love yourself!! A few years ago, if someone were to ask me what I loved about myself I would have said nothing. Now....well...lol...let's see...I love the gap in my front teeth, I love the way I snort when I laugh too hard, I love how insanely random I am, I love how my absent mindedness can make my friends (and myself) laugh, I love how inappropriate I can be at times, I love my bright blue eyes, I love my freckles, I love my fingernails (I have great fingernails lol)...The list could go on and on and on. You can't be happy if you can't look at yourself in the mirror and love everything about yourself...even your quirks and flaws.

The journey to healing and happiness is a long one that I am still enduring. It gets easier with every passing day. The above are just a few of the things I have learned along the way and I'm sure I have many more lessons to learn. Hopefully one day, I will be able to say that I have finally found my inner peace but until then I'll just enjoy the journey :-)

An update can be found here: Letting Go and Burning Bridges

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